


A Part

by Emptynarration



Series: Being A Part [1]
Category: Youtube RPF, Youtube egos
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fae, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Character Death, Death, Fae & Fairies, Fae!Host, Falling In Love, Forbidden Love, Forests, Human!Dr Iplier, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Magic, Sad, Sad Ending, Temporary Character Death, The world is unfair, True Love, Unhappy Ending, Unnamed Human Host
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-09-29 19:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20441195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emptynarration/pseuds/Emptynarration
Summary: He's always wanted to be a part of the forest.It was quiet, it was peaceful, and it was so gentle.It was the opposite of the loud, chaotic, busy streets of the city.He wanted to be a part of the forest,And apart from the city.





	1. To be free

He's always loved going out, going into the forest.

It was peaceful, quiet, and no one ever came here. The trees standing tall, towering over his rather small form. Everything was alive, breathing, the sunlight falling onto the leafs of the tree creating a blanket of interwoven shadows onto the ground below.

Onto him.

He smiled lightly, enjoying the rare rays of light shining through and warming him. His coat pulled tightly around him, the sleeves covering his hands slightly. It kept him warm, and feel protected. The trench coat technically too big for him, though it only made him feel better. He didn't have anyone else who'd give him comfort, after all.  
He supposed there was his doctor too, but that was just a doctor thing, right? Doctor Iplier was a good man, and very kind, but he supposed doctor's are supposed to be nice and care for their patients. At least he'd think so.

He sighed softly. His sight was leaving him, slowly, making golden eyes useless bit by bit. He didn't mind too much, it was a slow process and they were doing everything they could to make sure it wouldn't happen too fast.  
At least he could still enjoy the forest now, for the time being. It was a nice day today, a gently breeze ruffling the leafs and his hair, the sound of birds' filling the air around him. It was nice, and he greatly enjoyed being here.

It was so much nicer to be out here on his own, than trapped around people in a bustling city, too many sounds, too much noise, too many colours, to much input. He hated living in a city, but there wasn't much else he could really do. He was just glad he managed to get to the forest and enjoy his time out here.

With a deep breath and exhale, he sat down onto a fallen over log. It was covered in moss, mushrooms growing out of it. It became a new part of the forest, going from a tree standing tall and mighty, to a log as a food source for other beings, as well as a hiding space for animals.  
And for the moment, it was a place for him to sit and rest on.

Thunder rolled over the sky, and he looked up, blinking as the sun was getting blocked by clouds. He wasn't bothered by it, a little rain wouldn't hurt. And he could make his way home again whenever he wanted.  
He's already been walking for an hour or two, so perhaps he _should_ turn back. He did have things to do still. He sighed, standing again and making his way back the way he had came. He would love to just stay out here, be a part of this forest, instead being a part of the city. He liked being _apart_ of the city.  
But he was just a simple person, a mere human being, and no matter what he did, he would stay like this forever. Well, not forever, and not like this. He would be blind in a few years perhaps, if he's lucky, and he would die eventually.

Rain began to fall, making him smile lightly. He liked the rain, it sounded beautiful hitting the roof of leafs above his head, a pitter-patter song of nature. He really loved it, and he would love to just sit down and enjoy it, uncaring if he got soaked or not.

Quickly, the rain became heavier, and he was shivering. It was getting cold, the wind picking up and really blowing in his face. He didn't think it would get this bad, perhaps he should just wait it out?  
Then again, he wasn't sure where it would be safe for him to wait it out at either, so going back out of the forest seemed like the best option. He just hoped it wouldn't get to be a real storm, or it'd get tricky to find his way out.

He thought, and jinxed himself.

It was really storming, the rain hitting him harshly, soaking him to the bone. He was shivering badly, he was really cold now. Barely able to see anything with the rain coming down so heavy, the ground covered in leafs and moss became slippery. Each step he took was uncertain as he tried to get home.  
A gust of wind pushed against him as he took another step, and he yelped when he lost his footing. He cried out when he fell, tumbling down a slope, unable to get a grip or stop from sliding, dirt and rocks digging into him as he tumbled and rolled, dirt getting all over him.  
A sharp gasp left him when he hit his head on a rock, his head spinning, sight swimming, and he passed out once he came to a stop, body shivering in the cold of the puddle gathering beneath him.

-

He was cold.

God, he was so cold.

Groaning, he pushed himself up weakly, hands barely able to get a stable grip on the wet ground, feeling the water of the puddle he had lain in. His head hurt like a bitch, he felt drowsy and exhausted.

And god, he was _cold_.

Rain was still plummeting down, thunder crashing in the sky, and he couldn't get himself to care. His head hurt, his breathing was slow and shallow. He tried to get up, his arms weak, his stance unstable.  
He tried to take a step, but he was shaky, gasping when he slipped and fell again, fumbling hands trying to safe himself from the fall. It only hurt him more, and he cried out, rolling onto his side. It hurt, he was cold, his head hurt and he was so confused.

Exhaustion claimed him again, then.

He was covered in dirt, coat ripped in places, cuts covering parts of his skin, bleeding sluggishly. He was already showing signs of hypothermia, and the chances of him properly waking up again _and_ finding his way out were... dangerously slim.  
It was still storming, no one knew he had come here and no one would notice he was gone until he missed his regular appointments with Doctor Iplier and wouldn't answer his phone anymore either.

He didn't have any one who was close to him who would check up on him, so he may not even be found at all. Though he had told the doctor some time he liked to come out here, due to his easily overloaded senses and all.

Perhaps now he'd become a part of the forest, just like he had wished for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be nice I swear  
Second chapter gonna come soon promise cus  
This isn't a lot right now lol
> 
> Tell me what you think!!!


	2. To be apart

Edward was becoming a little worried.

His patient hadn't shown up to their appointment, and when he tried to call the man, no one answered. He _knew_ he shouldn't worry so much about him, he was just a patient, but... he also liked him as a person.  
He was charming, and kind, and interesting, and... Edward may had a crush on him. So, it was concerning him more than just as a doctor that the other didn't show any signs of life anymore.

_He blinked his eyes open slowly, pain and soreness running through his being._  
_He couldn't see anything, while also seeing everything._  
_He could feel the veins growing through his skin, branches growing on his head, moss covering patches of his skin._  
_ He was incredibly old, while also a newborn._

Maybe he should go see him? Edward knew that would be... weird, though. He was still only a doctor, it wasn't like they were friends or anything. He sighed, fiddling with the stethoscope around his neck.  
Perhaps he should just wait a few more days. He'd call, right? To get a new appointment as soon as he could? He hoped for it, because he was worried.

_He could feel it in his bones._  
_ Every movement felt like a tree reaching with its branches for the very first time,_  
_stretching and moving, fingers cracking with ever little bend and stretch._  
_ He took a breath, and a gentle breeze rustled through the leafs._  
_ He took a step, and flowers sprouted from the ground._  
_ He spoke a word,_  
_ And the forest listened._

It appeared on the news.  
Edward saw it, and instantly became worried. His patient, and he dared say his _friend_, even if they probably really weren't. He was incredibly worried, he was reported as missing, and there was no clue as to where he had gone.  
Chewing on his lip, Edward made his way to get to the police station. He knew he liked to go to the forest, and there had been this _horrible_ storm over a week ago... He didn't want to think it, but... perhaps something had happened to him.  
And he's been stuck in the forest.  
Without a way to get home.  
Starving.

_He moved, seamlessly, and he enjoyed it._  
_ It was peaceful, quiet, and no one ever came here. The trees standing tall, towering over everything._  
_ Everything was alive, breathing, the sunlight falling onto the leafs of the trees_  
_creating a blanket of interwoven shadows onto the ground below._  
_ He smiled, and the sun warmed his face._

They searched the forest for days.  
But there was no sign of him, there was nothing to be found. Edward was... he was devastated, if he was honest. He truly missed the other, and he merely wanted to know that he's alright. If there was no body to be found, he couldn't be dead, right?  
Right?

He couldn't be gone. Edward didn't want it to be true, but he knew it was. He was gone, and he couldn't help the sadness that settled into his chest. He wanted to be friends, real friends, with him.  
And now, would he never get to?

_He was a part of the forest now,_  
_ And apart from the city, now._  
_ His memories were slow, coming to him one by one._  
_ Carried by a bird's melody._  
_ Offered like an acorn of a squirrel._  
_ Brought through a gust of wind._  
_ Sprouting from the blossoms of a flower._

Edward wanted to find him, but maybe, he didn't want to be found. Maybe he had just... left. Without a trace. Edward knew he had seemed rather sad, perhaps almost depressed, and very lonely. They've never spoken too much outside of their doctor-patient relationship, but a little here and there.  
He just continued working, thinking, hoping. Perhaps he'd come back, with time. Perhaps he would get to see him again some time. It would certainly be nice, truth be told.  
And he's always wanted a friend. He's never been close to many people, and certainly not close enough to talk about anything too personal. Like thoughts, and feelings.

_He remembered someone._  
_ He didn't know fully who, or why. But, he remembered him._  
_ Edward, that was his name. He could remember it._  
_ He could remember the gentle touches, the soft skin, the kind smiles._  
_ His heart ached for someone else._

Perhaps he could just... take a stroll in the forest.  
Fresh air was always supposed to help clear someone's head, and being out of the city would probably be nice. Nature was nice, after all. Nature was really beautiful, if you took the time to admire it. Perhaps he could take a stroll.  
He did have a few days off soon, so perhaps he could get out some time. Just go out, perhaps take something to eat with him. He wouldn't want to get lost, so he probably shouldn't go too far.  
He heard about tying a string around a tree and just unwinding it as he went. Perhaps he should buy some yarn just in case.

_It hurt._  
_ This longing, this want, to have someone close to him._  
_ Someone to fill this empty void inside his chest._  
_ Someone who would hear his voice, could feel his touch, would respond and reply._  
_Someone who could see him, could know him, could be..._  
_ Could be, perhaps, a friend._  
_ It hurt, to long for something, for someone, who may never come._  
_ No one ever came to this forest._  
_ He had been the only one who's ever come here._

_He was lonely._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, it's better now!!!!


	3. To come together

Having time off of work was always the time Edward relaxed at home. Maybe go out and enjoy a nice sunny day.  
Today, he was going out. Out to the forest, and try and enjoy the day there. It was nice out, the sun was shining, a gentle breeze cooling the people outside off. It was nice, and it was a day he would've gone out anyways.  
He made himself something to eat to take with him, as well as a little bottle. Both into a little bag, and Edward was off.

The forest was a little ways off from the city- town- whatever. Where he lived. Small city, he supposed. It was nice, no one really ever came here, and it was quiet. The air was fresh, and filled with the songs of birds.  
It was really nice, and Edward could see why one would come here to calm down and relax. It was truly calming here, a soothing atmosphere, and Edward found himself just wandering through the trees.

Remembering, he tied the string to a tree, letting it unwind as he went along. He didn't fancy getting lost, since he was certain there would be no reception out here, and there were no paths to be seen either. He'd get hopelessly lost if he didn't have the string with him. Good thing he had it, though.  
He made sure to loop the string around a tree sometimes so it wouldn't blow away if the wind were to pick up, not wanting to get caught in a storm out here. The forecast hadn't mentioned one for today for this region, but it was better to be safe than sorry, right? And if he came back again, he could just follow the string and not have to worry about it.

Edward hummed lightly as he walked, letting his gaze wander. It was nice here, and perhaps he should come back more often. If only to enjoy time away from people, from other human beings. It could get rather... stuffy, he supposed, always being around other people. It kind of came with the job though, he supposed.

He heard a sound, making him turn around startled, and his eyes widened.

-

_A shiver went through him suddenly, and he shifted, hearing the leafs ruffle, and a breeze brought by what he was wondering._  
_ Someone had came into the forest._  
_ He was curious, curious as he's ever been, and he wanted to know. Who? Why? He didn't want to be alone, he wanted someone here, with him, someone to cure this loneliness._

_He walked, his steps falling silent on the leafy ground, melding together. He was one with the ground, just as the ground was one with him. He felt good, like this, happy. He wasn't what he had been before, and he was aware of it, but he felt... much more comfortable. Not burdened anymore._

_He didn't have to see to walk through the forest. He knew where every tree was, every bush, every leaf and every flower. He knew all of it like he's always been here, has been here for years._  
_ He had been, but he also hadn't._  
_ He was the forest now, and the forest was him. They were one and the same, while also different. He was an inhabitant like any other animal was, but he was also so much more, and so much less._

_He could feel it, how he got closer to it, to the person, to him. He got excited, he could feel the flowers on him almost fluff up, in a way, and there was a smile on his lips, and he hoped, he wished, for it to be someone nice, someone safe, someone who he could trust with who he was and what he was now._  
_ No one had known him before, so he would never think that it might be a familiar face. He had never really known anyone, besides his doctor, and a few voices he heard more regularly, but no one he would have really said he knew._

_He heard the humming, and there was a faint sense of familiarity, and he wasn't sure why, but his steps made sounds, alerting the person, and there was a gasp and he stopped walking._

-

Edward looked at the.... being, just a few steps away from him. Humanoid, but also.. clearly not human. He could see the dark brown hair, with a streak of- blond. He thought... he had thought _white_. But it looked much more golden now.  
There were colourful flowers growing over the.. person's? Over their eyes, in full bloom, full and beautiful. Edward was certain he could see there was white skin beneath, especially since he could spot more spots over the others body. Otherwise, their skin was a darker colour, and awfully familiar.  
There were patches of moss covering parts of their skin, with little flowers and mushrooms growing from them. There were treebranches growing... from their head? He couldn't really tell. The branches were going around their head, sort of like a crown could be.  
More branches grew from their back, or lower back? Winding around their hips, leafs covering most of their abdomen. Edward supposed that was good? Probably. They didn't wear clothes, after all.  
Lastly, there were vines growing all over their body, winding around their limbs and to their fingers even. They were bunched more tightly over where their heart would be, with some flowers peeking out between them there.

“Are you...?”, Edward started, but couldn't bring himself to finish. Was it? Could it be? His body not found, no one knowing where he went, could it be..?  
“Edward?”, his voice was so _soft_, quiet, but so melodic as well. Like a bird's song, like it was carried by the wind, like a flower's petal softly floating through the air as the breeze played with it.  
“Y-yeah.. It's me.”, Edward said softly, and the other smiled softly, making Edward smile lightly as well. It... it was just good to see him smile, truthfully.  
“The Host is glad to see you again.”, he -Host- said, and Edward was just slightly taking aback. He had always spoken in third person before -Edward had gotten used to that- but.. Host?  
“Host?”, Edward asked quietly, taking slow small steps forward. His gaze looked over Host again, and he was confused, and worried, and he didn't understand.  
“Yes.”, Host fiddled with his fingers, looking a little embarrassedly off to the side. “The Host... he changed. He remembers, mostly, how he had been like before. But... the storm... it claimed him, inside this forest. And he changed. And now, he's a part of the forest. And he feels better than he ever had.”, Host explained softly, and Edward listened intently, nodding slightly.  
“Even.. even though it took your sight now?”, the doctor asked softly. Host nodded slowly, a little smile on his face.  
“His sight would've been gone soon anyways. It was something out of his control, but he doesn't mind. He can feel the forest, and he's a part of it now, and he's happy.”, Host replied, and Edward nodded. He didn't fully understand, but... but he was just really happy that Host was still here, wasn't just gone, and he could still talk with him.

“I'm glad you're happy now.”, Edward said softly, and Host smiled. Edward had known Host hadn't been very happy before with his life, and even though Edward did really like Host, he had never told him. Perhaps if he had, Host wouldn't have changed like this. Wouldn't have died and be turned into this. Perhaps he wouldn't have been happy then either, though, even with Edward as his friend.  
“Would Edward like to stay with the Host for a while?”, Host asked then, and Edward smiled, nodding.  
“I would love to! I brought a snack with me too, so I can stay a while. And I'm off for a few days!”, Edward said happily, and Host seemed really happy as well, which made Edward happy too.

Host lead Edward to a log laying on the ground, where they sat down together. Edward noted how Host seemed to almost meld together with the wood and the moss, which was pretty interesting. Host really was a part of this forest, huh?

They talked, Edward eating as they did. It was nice, and Edward felt a lot closer to Host by the end of the day. And Host seemed happy to, to be able to talk with Edward, telling him all about how he felt now.  
Edward felt bad he had to go home again, but he couldn't stay the night in the forest. He did promise Host he would visit him again soon, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna write 1 more chapter and cram the end in there :')


	4. To break

Edward came by again and again.

Whenever he had a free day, or needed to calm down and relax after a stressful or eventful day, he went to the forest. And each time, Host was there, finding him and excitedly talking to him about whatever Edward wanted to talk about.  
It was nice, and they got considerably closer with each time Edward visited.

Host knew he liked Edward more than just a companion, someone by his side, someone to cure the loneliness he felt. No, whenever he was with Edward, he lit up, his entire being almost glowing. The flowers growing on him in their prettiest prime, full and lush. The leafs and moss a wonderful green, the mushrooms strong and firm.  
He had a crush on Edward, more than that. He enjoyed his company, he loved hearing about his day, he loved learning about him and just being close to him. Every moment they spend together in silence was enjoyable, every shared bit of laughter made him feel happier than he's ever been. It was lovely, he was happy, and he never wanted to part with Edward, even though he knew he had to.

And Edward, he found himself falling for the other just as hard. He's never thought he'd feel quite like this towards anyone. He had always liked Host before this, when he had just been his human patient, always feeling little butterflies in his belly when the other came.  
But now, now that he got to know the other man more and more -no matter if more creature than man, now- he found himself wanting to spend more and more time with him. Host was kind, and he talked about his old life just like his new one, and he was so interesting and endearing, in the way he talked about all of his animal friends now, about how he was part of the forest now, and how peaceful it was, ho much happier he was now than he ever had been before he had been reborn.  
Edward was aware that he had feelings for Host, that he wanted to be closer to him, that he wanted to be with him and love him, but he was also aware that he couldn't, he shouldn't, they weren't meant to be. Edward, a human, with a human life and job and responsibilities, and Host, a part of the forest, never leaving and never able to be human again.

They loved one another, without knowing if the ever could, if that was truly what they were meant to be, mean to do even, perhaps, or if it were merely fleeting feelings, a forbidden love they shouldn't pursue, should ignore and instead leave one another and keep only the fond memories, to fade over time and be forgotten once more, just like a childhood friend, or a pet one used to have years and years ago.  
Nothing to truly last, nothing to hold steady for a long time. A fleeting moment in time, gone like the snow melting in spring. A beautiful memory remaining, and a wish for more staying for a while, before the beauty of spring took over, the warmth and brightness of summer, the colours of fall. And winter would be a fresh start, something new once more, but never quite the same as it once had been, beautiful memories tainted by the ugliness of reality and truth, of human touched changes and rain.

But like a drug, neither could stop.

Edward still came to the forest, at least once a week, but always more than that, and Host was always there to come and greet him, take him in his arms and hold him close, and even though he was more forest than human, his hugs were warm and gentle, and Edward felt more at home in them than he did in his own home anymore.  
Every of Edward's smiles felt like the sun was shining brightly onto the Host, every little laugh and giggle made his insides flutter, and he fell more and more in love with the one he couldn't have, shouldn't have, because he was human, and he was different from him.

And he wished they had gotten to know another before this, and he wished he could've had the courage to talk to and with his doctor before this, other than offhandedly talking about himself sometimes, or asking some things about the other. He wished they would've sat down together and just talked, just had gotten to know each other and fall for one another.  
He wished he could have had Edward before he had died, he wished he could've had him to keep him alive, and show him that there was still something good, that his smiles were so bright and warm they could replace the sun, and the feeling of holding him in his arms could feel like Edward was meant to be there, warm and fitting against him like a missing puzzle piece finally found and clicked in place.

But that would never hold true, because he had already died, and he had already been reborn, and he would never forget the coldness of the rain, how it pelted against him like millions of little bullets, trying to break through him and put holes into him. He would never forget how he fell and hurt himself, how he could feel himself get cut open, the rain and wind cold on his skin. He would never forget the crashing of thunder in the sky, growling like an angry beast, waiting to devour him whole. He would never forget the ice cold grip of unconsciousness, dragging him out of awareness, fully knowing he would never wake again with this storm, with this freezing temperature he had been in, with losing consciousness then and there.  
He would never forget coming first into awareness, feeling new and strange. And he would never forget the ever heavy weighing of loneliness, pushing him down, making him wonder if this was truly any better than what he had been before.

He would never forget seeing Edward for the very first time in this forest, how his entire being had lit up and come to life, and how happy he had felt for someone, someone he knew, for _Edward_, to be there and be with him.  
He would never let himself forget this feeling, this happiness and this love that made him so incredibly happy. That made the forest bright, and warm, and the animals friendly and happy. That feeling that would let this be a safe place, a relaxing and calming place, a place to soothe nerves and frazzled minds.

Oh how he longed for that now, that warm feeling.

As the rain was pelting down unrelentingly, a heavy curtain taking Edward's sight. As Host clutched him close, feeling him shiver against him.

They were too deep in the forest, and there were no grooves or caves or anything for a human to hide in from the rain, from the storm, from the ice-cold grip of nature. There was only Host, kneeling on the ground, clutching Edward close to himself as rain soaked them to the bone, as Edward trembled violently, his body shaking in a desperate attempt to keep warm.  
As Edward breathed heavily into Host's shoulders, his hair wet in his face, and Host's grip tightened all the more on Edward, holding him as close as he could, fingers digging into the other man's coat, and his entire being was wilted, desperate for Edward to get through this.

But he was so cold, and Host knew how Edward felt, and he knew how all of this felt, because he would never forget how this had felt for him, and he would never forget how this was feeling for him now.  
As Edward was freezing, his body desperate but unable to gain any more warmth, and the storm wouldn't let it, thunder crashing in the sky and the dark clouds growling at them like a beast waiting to devour them whole.

And Host sobbed, because he knew he couldn't change this, and he knew he couldn't help, and he knew it hurt so, so much more to hold Edward in his arms right now, and feel his body stop shivering as it got too cold, as it couldn't help itself anymore, and Edward's breathing was so soft and shallow against his cold wet skin, and Host couldn't help but tremble as his body shook with sobs.  
He didn't want this to happen, he didn't want this to be true, he just wanted to have Edward, he wanted to know he was there for him, with him, by him, that he loved him and cared for him and even though they should never have one another, would still have him in any way he could.

Host was desperate, begging for whatever or whoever to please, _please save Edward, __**please-**_ because if he could have been saved, Edward could be saved, _oh please save him please oh please-_ and he didn't want it to be true, that Edward could leave him now, now just after they've gotten so close just after they've found another, _don't take him from me, please, please you can't do this to me now_\- now that they could have, maybe, finally, become happy together.

But he felt Edward, he could feel him leaving, he could feel it and it hurt,_ please stop please don't take him from me I beg you please_\- and Host cupped Edward's cheeks, desperately pressing his lips to Edward's, and he could feel Edward smile, soft, small, weak, and the weakest of chuckles, left him, and Host sobbed,_ I don't understand why do you have to do this to me I can't lose him god please don't please_\- but he could feel Edward lean limp against him, and he knew his eyes were falling closed, and he knew Edward was letting himself be taken.

And he clutched him closer, and he sobbed, as his entire being ached, it hurt, it hurt worse than anything he had ever felt before, _why why why please no please why oh please_\- and he could feel how he was alone, and it ached, it hurt.  
He was hurting, and the forest was hurting with him, grieving and crying, as the rain continued to fall, and the thunder continued to crash and growl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made myself cry with this because i feel host  
and i, too, am currently feeling terribly depressed


End file.
